Tiphanie, 33, lived a life with parties and alcohol while working overtime in the fashion industry, but after she became a mum she ended up in the hospital. It was almost like her body was trying to tell her to change her lifestyle. She listened and that was the beginning of a long healing journey for her and during it all she made a big decision of leaving the father of her two first children. After years of traditional therapy without resulting in any sort of healing she began to look for alternative ways. Now she is sharing all of her knowledge by offering coaching to other women struggling to find balance and peace in their lives.
The alternative approach to therapy wasn’t a big eye opening experience, she has always felt a connection to the spiritual: “Since I was a child I always had the ability to connect with God, angels and past spirits. So it wasn’t new to me, when I was introduced to these other methods. I have this special touch – I can feel your past, I can feel the energy you carry and what’s been hidden inside your body without you telling me.
A lot (of her clients red.) come for reiki to say goodbye to a miscarriage. I use my energy to release the trauma and the pain. I can always feel peoples energy. When I’m meeting friends I have to shut down this ability, because I don’t want to carry their energy with me, whether it’s good or bad.” Tiphanie not only helps with releasing pain from the past, she also guides women to a better future “I help women make decisions for themselves. Finding out what life they want to live. Some women don’t even know if their own decisions are good or bad, and I help them ask themselves ‘does this come from a place of fear or a place of love?’ Sometimes you need help to point that out – but it has to come from your own heart. It’s always about what’s best for you.
I couldn’t even tell if and when I was happy and unhappy
Being a role model to her daughter
I always wanted to have a child. My parents were divorced even before I was born so I always wanted to have a loving happy family – like a core family. I needed that etiquette. I needed that because I wasn’t growing up in a very emotionally safe environment. That’s why I got married so early, I was 22 and he was 32, so for him it was also exactly the right time. But we had only known each other for 7 months and then it was a disaster. We were actually fighting already before we got married. But because of how I grew up, that’s what I thought was normal. I didn’t know anything back then – not even who I was and what I wanted. I couldn’t even tell if and when I was happy and unhappy.
I was in fashion, so there was nothing like healing existing in this world. I got hospitalized right after I had my daughter. It wasn’t due to baby blues or anything with becoming a mum, it was something that had built up after years of an unhealthy lifestyle mixed with too much mental pressure from fighting with my now ex husband. Having a daughter made me realize, that it needed to change. I wanted to show her that women can make decisions and the way I lived my life back then I wasn’t being a good role model to her. I didn’t want her to end up like me. Going back to school was to show her how women can be their own saviors. I don’t want her to grow up thinking girls are supposed to sit back and wait for the prince on the white horse to rescue you.”
Don’t set too high expectations
Just like Tiphanie teaches her clients, she always strives to stay in tune with her own body and asking it what it needs. “Morning is the most important time for me. Every day I wake up at 5.30 and I start with my water, aloe vera water or lemon, and a lot of vitamins. Then I do a facial mask. On school days the kids wake up at 6.30, so that already gives me an hour and when they leave for school I have time to do yoga before the baby gets up. I’m a morning person.”
Tiphanie would never recommend other mums to do a specific morning routine to feel in balance. It’s always an individual choice of what feels right for you. “I used to set an alarm, but then it started feeling like a pressure. And then yoga feels like a pressure on your body, so after the workout you feel even more tired and stressed out. I’d say ditch the idea of making a plan or setting up a goal – always listen to your body and do what it asks you to do”.
I’d say ditch the idea of making a plan or setting up a goal – always listen to your body and do what it asks you to do.
Asking her body about its’ needs is not only something she practices when finding ‘me time’. It’s something you should always do she continues: “I would never make excuses. I never tell people I’m sick if I basically just don’t feel like meeting them. Just say ‘I’m not feeling my best today, can we reschedule?’. It’s actually out of respect for that other person, because you don’t want to bring your bad energy to them. If you don’t ask yourself what you need today, everything becomes a drag and that is draining. Daily life is draining and doing me time can be too if it becomes a pressure. The best thing to do is to listen to your body and go with the flow. Basically your goal is to be at peace.
About forgiving yourself
Northern europeans feel very bad and guilty if they break an appointment or if they don’t stick to a statement they already made. It’s like a mindset, but I think it’s very wrong and dangerous for our modern lives. Especially being a parent. Your kids won’t die if you relax on your principles sometimes. Because if you are struggling, they are going to learn that and copy it. They are going to think that’s normal.
I also tell women to loose their shit in front of the kids. I think soft-parenting is bullshit. You are manipulating yourself only to put your kids in a bubble. It’s not like I’m going to spank them – what I mean is that you need to show your kids your true feelings. I yell at my kids all the time, because I feel that’s how I express my feelings, but right away I also say ‘I’m sorry, yelling is wrong, but in the moment it felt like the best way for me to express my emotions’. Kids are resilient, you need them to know about their resilience. By expressing your own emotions is a way of showing them that they are allowed to express their’s too. As long as we are human beings we have human being reactions and emotions, and we make mistakes. And the kids need to know that it’s all normal. The feeling of guilt is something I’ve noticed with a lot of women.”
Kids are individuals and should be treated individually
Do you treat your kids differently? “Yes, my daughter has such a bossy stubborn personality and my son is so gentle – very Australian laid back like his dad. I can’t use a really strong tone with my son, because he will get really upset and when I use it with my daughter she will fight back. I always have to watch out who I’m speaking to. I think it’s really important to treat the genders differently, because the world treats the genders differently. In my household we already split everything equally. Both financially but also with the chores in the home. It’s important that my son sees that daddy takes care of the household and the kids too, and it’s important for my daughter to see that women doesn’t have to take care of everything in the house alone. She is already asking ‘papa, why are mummy always cooking and not you’ and my husband will go ‘that’s because I’m working and mummy isn’t’ but I will correct him saying ‘no, it’s because I cook better meals’ because that is actually the real truth.
Motherhood is a fascinating full time job, because you are constantly inspired to become what you want to be. You are not just doing it for yourself, you are doing it for your kids. I love being a mum. I have never rested, I’m always on the go. But it’s so fantastic to be raising the future.”
Text and photos by Kajsa Englesson